Nonfat Mocha Please -- but Don't Forget my Whipped Cream

I indulge so you don't have to. Feast your eyes on my satisfied, sunny morning perking up at Duchess with a honey latte and a blondie. In case you've never tasted heaven, a blondie is the cuter, slightly sweeter, butterscotch sister of the brownie. Much like my own sibling, its richness is of a more covert nature, tempting its admirers with buttery palate-pleasing notes of white chocolate, caramel and (at Duchess) coconut. Kindly lick the drool from your lips and try one if you dare; you have been given fare warning -- there may be no turning back.

While it was a lovely way to start the day, it may not have been the ideal fuel for the stamina required to withstand one of our newest teacher's first classes. As he reminded me, "That's what people pay for", he killed us -- only for two hours -- nothing I couldn't handle, but something my quivering limbs could have powered through more solidly had I prepped my body with oatmeal or something of sustenance rather than sugar, butter, milk and more sugar. Ah, hindsight. Being somewhat a glutton for punishment and all things worthy of desire, I never seem to learn from experience when it comes to a + b = c, at least when it comes to anything yummy (men tend to be the most dangerous) -- or maybe I just don't care. I successfully maintain the important equations, like the effort you put into your fitness being equal to the benefits you receive; there are never any shortcuts here and the people who suggest there are tend to be full of shit (and marketing revenue).

One such deceptive shortcut appeared in my inbox this morning; I stumbled upon a hilarity-inducing post from Vitamin Daily Vancouver Edition's finest, extolling the instant results of Nu Age Lipolaser; it sent me into a fit of giggles, particularly the bit about not having "one of those mythical 'fast metabolisms'" and using this contraption to help hone a body worth parading around during bikini season. FYI editors: speedy metabolisms do naturally occur and any metabolic rate can be adjusted (to a degree) with exercise, not magic. Interestingly enough, I was unable to include the link to this wise beauty advice as it must have already been removed from the site. Why they didn't choose to archive such a scientific gem is beyond me; perhaps the writer who included it did so during a cheeseburger coma in the middle of the night -- the e-mail came to me at 2:15 am. However it came to be, it contributed to wellness naivety by living online long enough to do some damage. Quel dommage. The Vancouver spa selling the inane service will have to find other mediums with which to prey on those hampered by unsuspected love handles.

Bikram would smile and simply suggest to those with excess baggage, "no breakfast, no lunch and half a sandwich dinner." The man is a charmer, for sure, and refreshingly realistic. For those whose weight is not gnawing away at their self-esteem and ability to live, he advocates balance rather than deprivation. Clearly, I subscribe to his straightforward, sensical approach.

Tonight, I will repast in style (I hope) and decent company (depending on how my hubby's golf lesson went) at Niche, a bistro recently opened in our building. I hear they serve a flourless brownie dressed with salted caramel and lemon-honey whipped cream; so I expect to be impressed. If anything, at least they'll be good wine.